Dare To Be DiFfEreNt

When the new Central Bank of Kenya Governor Dr. Patrick Njoroge, 54, stated that he is single by choice, eyes rolled. Many people had a lot to say about this unique situation. Some embraced it and others were totally against it. But the bottom line is that it is a choice. That’s something that many of us forget. That we actually have a choice in many matters about our own lives. We are quick to conform to the ordinary. We want to be normal. We want to avoid becoming a spectacle, so we go with the flow. What happens is that we start living for others instead of for ourselves.

We cannot and should not be entirely alike with everyone else. Every human being is born with a brain. That brain is unique. That’s why we all develop different talents, voices and signatures. We are unique. Granted, we all go through the same motions of life i.e. sleep at night, wake up in the morning, cause a lot of traffic on our roads at rush-hour all because we are doing the same things at the same time. 

But this ‘communal’ way of doing things can mistakenly delude us into thinking that things have to be done in a certain way. Since schools are opened at 8am and closed at 5pm, we tend to think that there are things you just don’t do. There are pre-defined norms of life for everyone to follow. And this is fine. But there are other things in life that are left to our own discretion, each and every one of us, individually. 

For instance, you decide what to have for breakfast, whether or not to go to work. You decide what clothes to put on, and whether to polish your shoes or not. I believe that to be truly happy, one needs to do what they really want to do and not to give in to societal pressure to conform to all others. 

Sure people who’ve been there, on the path you’re on can kindly offer you some advice. But it ends there. They can only offer you suggestions, not principles to live your life by. Take nobody’s word for it. Do it yourself. The matter of marriage as opposed to celibacy, to buy a house or to rent, to be tidy or untidy, to be mean or friendly are all matters of choice. You decide what you want. Only You! Let nobody convince you otherwise. 

The single people are eager to get married; the married people wish they would have waited. Divorce rates are on the rise. Therefore, no one is a master of anything. Just do what you want and you’ll be fine. Anyone who can’t stand being your friend because of the choices you make does not deserve your friendship.

Your relationship will otherwise be based on several contingencies. What ever happened to unconditional love? Anything you want to do, do it! And make no apologies while you’re at it. Remember what Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Do whatever you feel in your heart to be right, for you will be criticized anyway; you’ll be damned if you don’t, damned if you do.” Once again, do what you want and have fun, making no apologies along the way! 

Believe the Story is So Far from Over

“Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swamps of the not-quite, the not-yet and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists…it is real…it is possible... it’s yours! The person you want to be does exist, somewhere on the other side of hard work, belief, faith and the fear and heartache of what lies ahead. Remember, the road is long and in the end, the journey is the destination.” Those were some of the words once uttered by Catherine Ndonye of KBC English Service Sundowner radio show. 

In today’s fast-paced world, it is easy to feel dejected when your dreams don’t come true. However, I would like you to do what oxygen does to a freshly extinguished splint of wood—it rekindles the fire! You must come up with your own form of oxygen to ensure that you realize your goals and aspirations no matter what the cost. It would be comforting to know that you are not alone in this struggle. The apostle Peter once wrote in the Bible book 1 Peter 5:9: “Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.” Peter pointed out the sufferings of others to strengthen the first century Christians. Knowing that you are not alone in the fight to greatness is comforting because it makes you realize that your situation is not unique. So many other people are contending as you are. I’m sure you’ve heard psychiatrists who tell their patients that a problem they are facing is a very common one. This alleviates undue anxiety. It helps you realize that somewhere out there is something better, something worth fighting for. 

As much as it is good to know that you are not alone in this, your mind may wander slightly farther afield and start comparing yourself to others who are doing exceedingly well for themselves. You may suddenly realize that you are worthless. At such a time it is advisable to think of the words found in Desiderata: “If you compare yourself with others, you will become vain and bitter. For there will always be greater and lesser persons than yourself.” Indeed, no matter what you achieve today, someone has already achieved more. World records are broken every day. You may be the fastest man on earth today, but tomorrow someone else will defeat you. It therefore boils down to something more important—your reason for the journey. What is your aim? Is it to outsmart or outdo someone else? Climb a mountain so that you can see the world, not so that the world can see you. Do your best in your endeavors and you will reap greatly. Now that is the bottom line. Douglas Malloch once wrote: “If you can’t be a tree, be a bush. If you can’t be a bush be a bit of the grass, but be the greenest grass ever created. We can’t all be captains; we’ve got to be crew. There’s something for all of us here. It is not by size you win or fail. Be the best of whatever you are.” Everyone has something to offer, even the dull and ignorant. They too have their story. 

Am I therefore professing mediocrity? May that never be so! I know the question that lingers is: “What if my best is not good enough?” Well, good enough to whom? On whose opinion are you basing the best? Is it Forbes Magazine? The Guinness book of world records? You are the creator of your own destiny. Remember the movie My Family’s greatest quote? It goes like this: “If it’s good enough for you, it’s good enough for me.” Is that your philosophy? Does it first come from others then to you? Well, in my humble opinion, it shouldn’t be that way. You first believe in yourself, and then others will believe in you. Therefore, you are the architect and engineer of your dreams. You set your own standards then the world’s mediocrity will bow down to your high flying awesomeness. 

What is required is faith in the unknown. Jesus said that if we have faith the size of a mustard seed we could be able to command the elements of nature. You just have to believe that it will turn out so. Stephen Curtis Chapman in his song The Glorious Unfolding puts it this way: “I know this is not anything like you thought the story of your life was going to be. And it feels like the end has started closing in on you. But it’s just not true. There’s so much of the story that’s still yet to unfold and this is going to be a glorious unfolding. Just you wait and see and you will be amazed. You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over.”

Some people start early, others later on. Much later on! It is never too late. I once read a true story of a sixty-seven year-old man who decided that he wanted to become a lawyer. He studied for seven years and failed the bar exam twice! He finally began to practice law at the age of seventy-eight. Sheer determination drove him to greater heights. Oliver Wendell Holmes once said: “Many people die with their music still in them. Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it time runs out.” How sad! Put your mind to something and no force on earth can stop you from achieving it. You are the creator of your destiny. Indeed, as Joseph Campbell once said, “follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.” Take the first step today. Make a wish and believe it can come true. Many have done it. You just have to believe! By your believing, you will turn the biggest skeptic who is yourself, into a staunch believer!